Things That Bug Me

It's a long quiet weekend here in the Gelato home. No big plans, just lots of time to nap and be annoyed by the idiocy of some people. I present for you a couple of the Things That Bug Me this Labor Day Weekend:

1) Teeny tiny ruffled mini skirts. The skirts themselves I like. They're cute and it doesn't even bother me that they're based on the sweatshirt knit drop-waisted ruffle mini skirts of my early 1980s middle school years. That being said, this current incarnation of the ruffled mini skirt is, simply put, not meant to be worn by everyone. Let's face it, most of us, me included, are simply not built to wear these skirts. I realize this, and you probably understand as well, but sadly, many do not.

Directive to the girls looking lost outside of Pier One on Friday afternoon. True, you are young and cute, but you still have cellulite. I'm not one to suggest that only the perfect among us are allowed to bare skin, but come on kids. Your skirt is so freaking short that it would reveal your crotch should you raise an arm to wave down a cab. This look is so not flattering. Especially when it's baring the cottage cheese dimples of your upper thighs and lower ass cheeks. Paris Hilton comes as close as anyone to pulling off this look, and even she can't make it work 100%.

As far as your statuesque friend, yes the tiny skirt looked good on her (and yes, it was a good 6 inches longer than yours), but that silly John Deere trucker hat worn at the jaunty angle really added an air of hilarity to the ensemble.

2) Smoochy Love Couple at the Movies:

We're sure you thought Napoleon Dynamite fit the hipster bill for entertainment this rainy Sunday afternoon. Personally we felt like the movie was trying too hard. But back to you. Clearly courtship has just begun for the two of you. We saw the evidence in the ticket line and at the concession stand: The starry-eyed smiles at each other, the rapturous beaming of thoughts between the two of you via Love's Own Personal ESP. But the making out in the crowded movie theatre has got to stop. Now. Seriously. We're in favor of love & all that, but please, show a little decorum.

Did you not see that there were people seated directly in front, behind, and next to you? No extra buffer seat in between or anything. The first time you looked at each other knowingly after a line of dialogue, we thought to ourselves, "Okay, inside joke". But then, you continued this behavior after roughly every third line. This was distracting enough to your fellow movie-goers, but when, 15 minutes or so into the movie, you chose to add a kiss, nuzzle, or neck lick to each exchange, well, we truely wanted to slap you. When you buried your heads so far down in each other's shoulders that you could not have possibly seen the screen, we silently wished for you to hold the posture for at least the duration of the scene. But no! You had to lift your head up so we could be treated to your partner's raptourous Running of Fingers All Over Your Face so as to cover up the bottom half of our view.

We hate you. You are clearly old enough to have your own digs and not need to sneak away to the movies for a little makeout time. Give us all a break. Get it on at home, or at the very least in the restroom if you need a little public nookie to spice things up.

And yes, we are the ones who directed you to "Get a Room!" while you groped your way through the end credits.

3) No Arrested Development on TV tonight. Garrr!